October 23

What’s the Worst That I Can Say

The Cosmos:
{Taryn sits in the living room a book in her lap her distraction evident by the fact that the book is upside down}
The Universe:
{Edward comes out of his room a bit after sundown and after regaining his focus, rakes a hand through his hair that does move now, straightening it as he looks over at Taryn, smiles, walks over, turns the book over} It might make more sense like this.

The Cosmos:
{Taryn looks up at him smiles} Oh right. Morning.
The Universe:
{Edward sits next to her, leans over and kisses her, smiles again} Morning.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn kisses him back} Did you rest well?
The Universe:
{Edward frowns} It’s not really resting so much as being paralyzed.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn blinks, looks down} Sorry…
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her} You get used to it. It’s not a sensitive subject or anything. {smiles} I probably should’ve just said yes.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn shakes her head} No.. You shouldn’t have. {quietly} I want to know.. the truth.. when I ask something like that or how you are.
The Universe:
{Edward nods} All right. {looks at her} What about you? How are you feeling tonight?
The Cosmos:
{Taryn smiles} I’m good. I had an interesting conversation with Alexei and Jace.


The Universe:
{Edward smiles} I’m sure you did. Especially if they were both taking part in the same discussion.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn shrugs} And Morose got in on it too.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her} He’s very.. sociable.

The Cosmos:
{Taryn nods} He is.. he didn’t like the topic much.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her curiously} Morose didn’t like a topic? That’s unusual.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn looks at him} I put two and two together and realized that you were both talking about the same girl.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her for a second} I see. {looks at his nails} I’m sure he had quite a bit to say about it.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn shakes her head} Actually he didn’t but Alexei did. I know what happened. {shifts in her seat, reaches out and takes his hand} I know what she did.. and the trail of devastation she left in her wake.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her} Did they also tell you about Lucien ghouling her?
The Cosmos:
{Taryn nods} Yes. “Accidentally”.
The Universe:
{Edward nods} Yes. Lucien has a way of doing a lot of fucked up things “accidentally”.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn nods} So I hear. Chaos and all that.
The Universe:
{Edward shakes his head} She was.. unusually enamored of him and drew his attention. She made a comment about how he should be careful when prowling the roof because we wouldn’t want him to “fall on a pointy stick”. She was “accidentally” ghouled soon after, yet.. Morose eventually got over *that*, even though it was the real reason she left him.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn quietly} I thought he tried to kill himself because of her leaving him?
The Universe:
{Edward nods} He did. {looks at her} She didn’t leave him *for* me. She left him because she wasn’t human anymore and didn’t belong with them. She stayed with me… probably because she knew how I felt about her and because she needed to be taken care of. She needed someone to take away the pain. The problem, though, was that her transition wasn’t exactly smooth. When she decided she wanted to stay as she was, I wouldn’t maintain her and Lucien told her he wouldn’t either. I did tell her if she wanted it badly enough, I would even though I didn’t want to. {shrugs} Anyway.. between the mood swings and making the matter of maintenance a bit bigger than it actually was, she actually became somewhat difficult.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn nods} I understand that. I think. And I can understand why you wouldn’t want to maintain her, especially since we keep hearing about how addictive the blood is.
The Universe:
{Edward nods} I didn’t want *that* to be the center of our relationship, but.. {shakes his head} She wasn’t in love with me. She loved me but she was in love with Morose. I just chose to ignore it in the hopes that something would change. So.. as it was, our relationship was centered around what Lucien did to her. I could have maintained her and let her become fixated on me and my blood but.. really, the way she was handling the transition… it could’ve gone badly. Worse than it did, anyway. {looks at her} So.. Morose tried to kill himself one day *during* the day and she went to see him, because obviously, she couldn’t stay away from him and while she was there, she apparently realized the horrible mistake she’d made and decided she would never leave him again and she’d revert. Meanwhile.. it turns out that when Lucien said he wouldn’t maintain her, he didn’t actually mean it. It was taken out of context and blown out of proportion.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn blinks} Wow.. talk about a giant clusterfuck.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her} That’s exactly what it was.
The Universe:
{Edward shakes his head} And the majority of it was simply because she was too emotional to be objective and actually hear what was being said to her. She was too fixated on the possibility of losing her new abilities.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn nods} Edward.. They told me that because of that you locked yourself away and even contemplated taking a day time stroll.
The Universe:
{Edward shrugs} She was also refusing to deal with the pain she felt over leaving Morose. {looks at her} They got that part right, anyway.

The Cosmos:
{Taryn quietly} I’m glad you didn’t.
The Universe:
{Edward squeezes her hand} If I had, I would’ve missed you.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn lays her hand on his cheek} I’m not going to do that to you.
The Universe:
{Edward nods} In those days, we were living somewhere else and we had the humans in a separate manor house. Feeding meant.. going there. We just had them all together in a single herd we all…{looks at her} I don’t know how to explain it, but.. Morose was, as he is now, much loved by everyone. She was much loved by everyone. When they were apart, it was because I stole her. When she was having her mood swings and showing her increasingly volatile temper, it was because Lucien changed her. When she returned to him, everything was right with their little commune again and I don’t know if you can imagine having to walk into that house, under those conditions.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn softly} I can’t but I was told what she and Morose did to you. And what Damien did to them. It was wrong, what they did.

The Universe:
{Edward nods} Damien and his woman were the only ones there who *would* say anything. Humans have a bit of a herd mentality. Particularly when it comes to things like that. That particular herd also tended towards bias against us unless we were Lucien. There was nothing Lucien could do that they wouldn’t forgive. They literally forgave him everything and even reached a point where they would worry if he didn’t do something utterly catastrophic to them. {looks at her} So, even those that weren’t exactly her fans kept their mouths shut essentially showing their support by their lack of objection. {pauses, quietly} They knew, Taryn. That I hadn’t fed, that I hadn’t been out of my room. And they did their best to make it so I wouldn’t be able to when Damien did talk me into it.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her, quietly} And if I’d known what was coming, I might’ve ripped her throat out right then and there.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn shakes her head} What do you mean?
The Universe:
{Edward shakes his head} You have to understand that I was in denial concerning her feelings for Morose when she was with me. And she told me she loved me daily and I let myself pretend she did. So, one night.. things had happened that required Lucien to ban certain humans from the house. Morose being one of them, primarily because his behavior was.. becoming extreme. He’d walked right into the castle and came after me. Even now, I don’t think he can see that she didn’t actually leave him for *me*, and this was just before the incident at the manor house. Apparently, he was feeling cocky. So, Lucien decided on the banning as a result of one, Morose’s.. aggression and flat out ballsiness to walk into *our* castle and two, what happened at the manor house. {looks at her}
The Universe:
Well.. she was still a ghoul at this point, because Lucien had decided to go ahead and maintain her. She came to stay at the castle, because without Morose there, she “didn’t belong” again. So.. during the course of the night, we ended up “talking” and she told me quite plainly that she’d loved me and because of that I’d always have a special place in her heart. Keep in mind this was possibly the night *after* the manor house incident, two at most. And that she’d never been *in* love with me.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn shakes her head} Wow. That’s… {looks at him} Incredibly shitty. And selfish.
The Universe:
{Edward nods} She may as well as have just staked me and set me out in the sun herself for all the pain she made me feel and all the… {looks at her} String it all together and it was a constant barrage of.. just… {looks at his hands} And then what happened at the manor house.. yet she could look me in the eye after that.. after all but making it impossible for me to feed.. when she’d left me all but paralyzed like the sun… and tell me she *loved* me in any way, shape or form. {shakes his head} I know I’m sensitive, but I have never felt anything to that extreme. I’ve never felt *that* kind of emotional pain *ever*.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn quietly} I’m so sorry Edward.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her} So am I. I didn’t tell you all of it because I didn’t want to upset you. And because it damaged me enough that it still hurts to talk about. I guess not enough time has passed. {shakes his head} I just didn’t want you to have to deal with this, because it *is* over, it *is* history and I have absolutely no love left for her. {looks at her} Just the unrelenting pain I haven’t figured out how to let go of yet. And you shouldn’t have to deal with that either.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn looks at him} You don’t think that I should know that you’re hurting? {a pained look crosses her face, lets go of his hand, stands and walks into her room}
The Universe:
{Edward closes his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose, mutters} Shit. {gets up and walks to her room, stops at the doorway and looks in, quietly} Taryn.. that wasn’t what I meant.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn grabs a piece of paper and a pen from the desk in her room and walks over to him} I know.. but *I* do need to know. Because I’m your human. {hands him the pen and paper, takes his free hand and walks back over to the couch with him} Because I care.
The Universe:
{Edward goes with her} But what I meant was that I don’t want you to feel like she’s some ghost you’re competing with. Because that’s not the case.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at the pen and paper, slightly confused, looks back at her}
The Cosmos:
{Taryn nods} And I’m going to help you forget.. or at least get rid of the negative feelings and the power she still has over you.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at her, quietly} You’re like the sun to her moon.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn smiles} Thank you Edward.
The Universe:
{Edward smiles} Though moon is being kind of fucking generous. I mean.. what’s the coldest planet? Because it would be that.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn smiles} Pluto. {looks at the paper} On that I’d like you to write her name and *every* bad thing you feel or felt.
The Universe:
{Edward looks at the paper, looks at Taryn} Just a minute. {walks into Taryn’s room and grabs the rest of the stack of paper, walks back into the living room} It’s going to take more than just one piece of paper, probably.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn smiles} As many as it takes. While you’re doing that I’m going to rifle through the apartment looking for a few things. I need salt and candles.. black and white preferably..sage… and a bottle of water.
The Universe:
{Edward smiles} You’re doing a cleansing. Dragonsbl… {looks toward the door}
The Cosmos:
{Taryn looks at him, quielty} What is it?
The Universe:
{Edward drops the paper and pen on the table and heads to the door} This is going to have to wait. {opens the door and listens, looks back at her} Someone’s screaming from downstairs somewhere. Stay here.
The Cosmos:
{Taryn frowns , but stays because screaming is never a good thing, gathers what they’ll need}
The Universe:
{Edward looks back toward the hall} Everything you need will be in the ritual room. {leaves and runs down the hall following the screaming no one else can hear}

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Posted October 23, 2012 by The Universe in category "Fiction", "Vampires