June 2

All That’s Waiting is Regret

Alexei left the loft and sped through the streets of town in the direction of the hotel.  He texted Shay the news regarding Ciara’s choice but he didn’t call.  If his phone rang, he didn’t hear it over the winding of the engine.  Once he arrived at the hotel, he went straight to his room, avoiding Dominic, Anya and everyone else.  In his room, he paced for a bit before stopping.  He stood with a hand resting on his cocked hip, his other pressed to his chest, fighting to keep his emotions in check as he had since she told him.

He’d known.  Even after she told him everything was all right, he’d known.  She hadn’t been able to deny it without dropping her voice.  She hadn’t been able to give him a definitive answer at first.  But they’d been in trouble for a while.  Their greatest issues being Dominic and Anya and Ciara’s insecurity.  Nothing he’d done had been enough to put her at ease, erase her doubts.  And when she’d said she’d seen the models and “Anyas” he “preferred”, he knew telling her about Anya was a mistake.  She’d thrown it back in his face without intending to, without realizing it.  She’d added it to her already long list of insecurities.  Confusing him with Dominic, as everyone else tended to do.  And then there was Christopher.  He’d known Christopher loved her.  It was obvious to anyone with eyes to see.  Christopher, like Ciara, had a tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve, too.

Alexei walked over to the bed and sat down, clasping his hands between his knees, his eyes focused on them as he went over it, again and again.  If she loved Christopher, why had she stayed with him?  It was the same thing Anya did, seeking him out when Dominic was with someone else.  Ciara had essentially done the same.  With Anya, at least he’d had a choice.  At least he’d known he was being used.  He thought about things he could’ve done differently, eventually rejecting them all in light of the truth that nothing would’ve changed anything.  He couldn’t force her to love him.  He couldn’t force her to forget Christopher.  He couldn’t force her to stay.  If nothing else, he had the consolation of knowing he’d tried.  He had the consolation of knowing the truth now.  He didn’t have to wonder anymore.  He finally had the answers she’d refused to give him, the truth she’d refused to tell.  At least now, they couldn’t hurt each other anymore.

Alexei glanced at the clock and sighed.  It was going to be a long, long night.

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Posted June 2, 2012 by The Universe in category "Fiction", "Solitude