April 27

There’s No One Left to Fight – the Morning After, Siobhan Moves On

I Set Fire To The Rain
Watched It Pour As I Touched Your Face
Let It Burn While I Cried
Cause I Heard It Screaming Out Your Name, Your Name
I Set Fire To The Rain
And I Threw Us Into The Flames
Where I Felt Something Die
Cause I Knew That That Was The Last Time, The Last Time

 

After getting her things from the apartment Siobhan went to her storage unit.  She dropped her things that she wouldn’t be needing there then set out to find a place to stay for the night.  She knew she was off the grid and that was okay with her .. for now.   There weren’t a lot of people that were going to be on her side anyway.  She knew she was the problem and she knew why.    You really can’t go home again.   On the up side she wasn’t running this time.

 

She was here and she was staying, but she needed to sort some things out before she stepped out into the sun again.  Her phone lay in the gutter outside the Rock.  She figured either someone would find it or it would get trashed in the rain.  She really didn’t care.  She walked into a room in the hotel near the diner.  She figured when she got tired of the room service she’d go there and eat.  She figured she had enough in the bank to get by on.  And at this point she wasn’t even sure if she was the bands publicist or not anymore.   She wasn’t sure of a lot of things.  One thing she was certain of..she fucked up royally and there was no fixing it.  She’d lost them.. all three of them and probably the rest of her friends as well.  Siobhan shook her head.

 

She opened the door to her room and sighed.  “At least it’s clean.” She spoke it aloud in the empty room.  She closed the door behind her and started unpacking her things.  She set the picture of her and Ethan on the dresser face down.  The rest of the stuff she put in their places, clothes in the dresser and closet, toiletries in the bathroom, her pillow on the bed.  She stowed her backpack on the shelf in the closet and went to the bed.  She lay down, her thoughts drifted to the events of the night and week.  She hated that she’d hurt Ethan.  That had been the last thing she wanted to do but she managed to piss him off at every turn.  She knew he was right.  They weren’t working.  She also knew that she’d wanted it to, with everything she had.  The tears stung her eyes and as she realized she was crying she curled into a ball on the bed and let them come.  There was nothing for her to do now but wait until morning.

 

Morning found her still in her clothes and still fighting her demons.  She went down to the dining room and ordered breakfast.  She ate alone and when she was finished left the money for the check and a generous tip on the table.  She headed out to the store still thinking about Ethan and everything that had happened.  She knew now why she’d been the way she was.  The tears kept coming every time she’d stave them off they’d start again.  She swallowed the first bite of her breakfast along with the lump in her throat.  Once finished with breakfast she went to the T Mobile store and picked up a new phone.  Once that chore was done she walked down Main Street to Splash Panic and was going to go in but changed her mind at the last second and kept going.  She’d been terrified of the range of emotions swirling round in her.  It was one thing to act them but to actually feel them was something completely different.  Something she hadn’t been ready for.  So rather than deal with it she squashed them down.    Now the only thing she felt was an overwhelming sadness.  A sadness so deep and profound she wasn’t sure she’d feel alright again.  She went to the diner where she sat in a booth in the back drinking coffee and scouring the paper looking for an apartment and a job.  Using her new phone to make the appointments she’d need.   She called Van and left him a message, asking if she was still the band’s publicist. Once done she sat back and watched the happy people go about their lives and wondered how it was so easy for everyone else.

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Posted April 27, 2012 by The Universe in category "Fiction", "Solitude