April 27

Finding Happiness in Misery – Seth Takes Siobhan Home

Boys: 
<Seth pulls out of the lot and heads out toward the airport, looks over at Siobhan> Let it out, babe.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks over at him> Nothing to let out.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks back at the road> Bullshit.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> What could I possibly have to let out?
Boys: 
Look.. you’re pissed, you’re hurt, whatever. It’s just you and me, here. You want to scream, cry, rage, bitch, whatever… go for it. You don’t have to worry about anyone seeing it and I’m not going to hold it against you but do *not* expect me to believe there’s nothing there. If there wasn’t, you wouldn’t be going home right now.

Girls: 
And It’s not possible I didn’t want to be the only single in a party full of couples?
Boys: 
Sure. It’s possible and probable. I’m not excluding that. I’m excluding the whole “I feel nothing” line of bullshit you’re trying to feed me. And if I were in a position to do it, I would be *all* about flaunting the fact we’re fucking all over town. Without hesitation.

Girls: 
<Siobhan looks out the window> Seth, I know you can’t. Hell, I don’t want you *or* Van to do that. But Ethan and *Heather*..*really*? What the fuck happened to class?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> *That’s* easy. *She’s* easy. And available. And no one else is. From what I know from talking to Van.. she threw herself at Ethan the other day and he’s not the kind of guy that does the single bit as well as others.
Girls: 
<Siobhan lights a cigarette and hits it hard> I guess not.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks back at the road> Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to make something work there, but it won’t.
Girls: 
No because she’s leaving. and *that’s* only the tip of the ice berg. I don’t know I guess it’s just… everything. I kinda felt like.. and this totally *isn’t* Ethan..but it was like he was saying “fuck you” with that at the end, and what sucks even more is I get it. I know why he did it.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Yeah? So why’d he do it?
Girls: 
He was revved from the show.
Boys: 
They all were. *We* all were. Ethan isn’t the guy that’s going to rub his ex’s nose in his newly acquired single statue unless it’s an ex that totally fucking deserves it. Because *Ethan’s* not the kind of guy that’s reveling in it. I’d bet you money if his friends and family weren’t watching out for him and basically telling him how to handle his shit, you guys would’ve been back together within 24 hours.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> On the other side of that.. if they believed you two were good together, they’d be interfering to get you *back* together.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> I know. And that’s not good for either of us. I know we don’t work like that.
Boys: 
<Seth nods again, looks back at the road> He’s cool and a nice guy and everything every woman *thinks* she needs or bitches that she doesn’t have, but it boils down to.. not every woman’s built for a nice guy.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> When I got back here, I thought that was exactly what I needed. If I knew then… <looks out the passenger window> Hind sight.
Boys: 
And it probably *was* what you needed. At.the.time. Shit changes. You have to be able to change with it.
Boys: 
<Seth shrugs, looks back at the road> Personally, I think Van is more along the lines of what you probably needed.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> Yeah.. well *that* ship sailed.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> He got Saige and you got Ethan. But, like I said.. shit changes.
Girls: 
<Siobhan laughs ruefully> It’s not going to change *that* much.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> And there’s no way you can possibly know that.
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> But that right there is *exactly* what’s wrong with you and Ethan. He’d say.. “yeah, I guess it does”. He’s a positive and you’re a negative. You cancel each other out.
Boys: 
<Seth looks back at the road> You’re thinking about why you can’t get with Van, he’s thinking about how he can make it work with someone who he *can* get with.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks back out the window> Except there’s no one….And no I’m *not* feeling sorry for myself. I’m stating a fact.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> And when Heather goes home, he’s in the same boat. <looks at her> Meanwhile, he’s fucking a whore and you’re fucking his brother and a married man. *We’re* not leaving. When she’s gone.. so are his options. Life’s a twisted ball of fuck, babe, but what are you gonna do about it other than make the best out of it?
Boys: 
<Seth shrugs> Also, in the meantime.. all kinds of shit could happen. Van and Saige could break up, Lia could find out about us or flip her shit over the movie and leave me again. Bam. Two more options for you.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks over at him> And my fucking a married man and his taken brother..what does that make *me* Seth?
Boys: 
Personally, I don’t think it makes you anything. Our relationships aren’t your responsibility. It doesn’t make you anything worse than doing porn will make you. But I don’t always share the same view as the moral majority and I don’t really give a fuck about that. In the meantime, Heather looked me in the eye in front of my wife and said she’d do a porn movie with *me* but David’s off limits. Why? Because I’m *in* porn. So, my marriage doesn’t seem to count for a whole lot as long as I’m in the industry. I’m not sure the moral majority would agree with that either. Then again, the moral majority would probably stone Lia for being with me at all.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head, rolls down her window, hits her cigarette a last time and flips her butt out the window> I don’t know.. I don’t understand Heather’s reasoning so much. <looks over at him again> So you think I’m just…feeling sorry for myself?
Boys: 
No, Siobhan, I don’t. I think you’re hurt and have every right to be. And if you *do* spend a little time feeling sorry for yourself, who fucking cares? As long as you don’t get stuck in it. You’re entitled to feel like shit. I’m not telling you not to. I get holding it together and playing it cool when you’re out in public. I’m telling you you’re also entitled to being yourself and dealing with shit the way you need to in private, when you’re away from the public eye.
Boys: 
And right now, we’re out of the public eye.
Girls: 
I .. I appreciate that. I just didn’t want to be there anymore. I went. I showed them I’m not shriveling up. The show was great..Ethan was incredible. They had fun. It was time for me to go. I didn’t want to be the one to bring down the party.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> All right. But what I said stands. <looks at her> You feel the need to completely lose your shit, go for it. It’s not going to faze me.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> I have *never* completely lost my shit.
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> Maybe that’s your problem.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks over at him> What do you mean?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Siobhan.. it’s not *healthy* to *never* lose your shit. Everyone’s got to do it *once* in a while. Keeping everything bottled up and clamped down is a good way to fuck yourself up.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> I don’t…can’t.
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> You can. You’re just afraid to.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> If I do…<shakes her head again> I can’t.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> If you do, I’m sure it’ll be the worst thing that’s ever happened in the history of the world and will ultimately result not only in *your* death, but the deaths of everyone and everything you hold dear.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> That’s not what I’m saying.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> So what *are* you saying? Why can’t you?
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks out the window> I don’t know. Do you know what happened when I left that hotel room? What I did?
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> No. Tell me.
Girls: 
I went home. Scrubbed myself raw, literally raw, got dressed and went to the store, came home, cleaned my apartment used three gallons of bleach, the whole building smelled like it, made dinner and went to bed.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks at her> Let me tell you what’s going to happen and you can tell me where you *think* I’m wrong.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> Okay.
Boys: 
<Seth looks back at the road> When we get to the warehouse, I’m going to tie you up. Then I’m going to torment the shit out of you. I’m going to drive you over the edge over and over. Your screams will be bouncing off the warehouse walls. I’m going to fuck your soul and rape you emotionally over and over until you’re nothing but a quivering, exhausted mass of raw emptiness.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> And don’t think I can’t.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him, quietly> I think you can.. I don’t want you to.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> I didn’t ask what you wanted.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> You don’t understand, Seth. I won’t ever *stop*. I won’t come back from it.
Boys: 
<Seth nods again> I’m going to prove you wrong.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> It’s *impossible* to *never* stop, Siobhan. And rationally, you know that. Fear is an emotional response, not a logical one.
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> You *will* stop. It *will* be safe. <looks at her> *You* will be safe. I promise.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks out the window> I’m not even sure what that is anymore. Safe.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her for a second, looks back at the road. Then maybe it’s time someone reminded you.
Girls: 
<Siobhan closes her eyes, quietly> I’m not sure I ever knew.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Then I’ll show you.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him, shakes her head> Seth.. <shakes her head again> You have to get back to the party.
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> I think *you’re* a little more important than a party. Nice try, though.
Boys: 
Besides.. if I go back I’ll spend the whole night thinking of you at the warehouse alone and all the ways I didn’t take advantage of it.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> Dammit Seth.. You can’t blow off Lia.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> *Van* has Lia covered. Or did you not notice?
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at Seth> I noticed he was quick to jump in and.. and.. distract her.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks back at the road> There are only two things that stop him from making a play for her. One.. his relationship with me. Two.. her very rigid adherence to her moral code. <looks at her> The same rigid adherence to morality that I married her for and that makes him so hot for her.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> Can I ask you something?
Boys: 
<Seth nods> Anything.
Girls: 
Why did you choose someone that rigid, knowing what you do might be a problem?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> *Because* of what I do. Because women like that don’t exist except in convents. When you spend all day every day fucking whores, coming home to a woman like that.. a woman no other man has ever touched but you… <shakes his head, looks back at the road> I’ve never had “normal”, Siobhan. I’ve never had anything.. socially acceptable. Nothing pure or clean or… I don’t know.
Boys: 
Maybe it was my attempt at some kind of.. normalcy.
Girls: 
<Siobhan holds his look> I can understand that.
Boys: 
<Seth looks back at the road> Me and Simone were 14 and 15 respectively. We lived on the streets in one of those tent cities and we hung out on street corners pan handling or whatever during the day. One day, this guy rolls up in the flashiest, most expensive car we’d ever seen and flashes a roll of bills at us. He tells us he’ll give us five hundred to let him film us fucking. We’d never seen anything bigger than a twenty. So, we agreed. We were young, more naïve than we realized and not at all equipped to deal with the situation. We were street wise but still largely innocent. So, we went with him and we pass a joint in the car and I don’t think it was really real to us until we were in the warehouse standing in front of camera with a mattress on the floor next to us looking at each other while he told us to get down to it.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> So you had Simone who was all of those things Lia is.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks at her> And she was my best friend. Hell, she was like a sister to me. It was the first time for both of us and this guy’s walking around us with the camera telling us what to do, how to do it and how to give him the best shot. After, we were sitting on a curb and neither one of us could bring ourselves to look at the other one. And all of a sudden, she just bursts into tears. If she hadn’t, we probably never would’ve talked to each other again. But she did. And I forgot everything we’d just been through and that.. dirty feeling.. and just thought about making her feel better. *That’s* what got us through it and that’s why we’re still as close as we are today.
Girls: 
<Siobhan quietly> How did you make her feel better? What did you do?
Boys: 
And now that I’m saying it out loud, maybe that’s why it was so important to me that our wedding and our first time together was so damn important to her. I told her the truth. That I loved her and nothing would ever change that and that if we could do it all over again, we never would’ve gotten in that car. And I told her I was sorry for failing her. Because I did. I was the older one and I should’ve told him to get fucked. But I didn’t. And I told her she was still beautiful and always would be to me. And that *was* the truth.
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> No. It *is* the truth.
Boys: 
first time together was so important to her-first time together be perfect was so important to me.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> And I told her I’d always be there and everything we did after that, we did together.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> It sounds like you were stronger for it. Both of you.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> Eventually. We got there. But it was touch and go for a while and there were times I felt like she was pulling away from me and I wouldn’t let her.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> How did you stop it? What did you do?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> I just refused to go away. When she slammed the door in my face, I kicked it open.
Girls: 
<Siobhan smiles> Van said you were stubborn.
Boys: 
I am. And I had to be, because she can be pretty damn stubborn too.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> Is that what you do with Lia?
Boys: 
Pretty much. I can’t *not* do it, it’s so ingrained.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> They’re lucky women.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Sometimes I wonder if Lia really is.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> Don’t.. that’s the little boy coming through, Seth.
Boys: 
No. That’s the man watching how his wife always turns to Van when she needs help defending herself against her overbearing husband. I know sometimes, I’m too much. I know I’m an asshole to her. And the harder she fights me, the more of an asshole I am until she gives up. I can’t *stop*, Siobhan. Every time I try and smooth shit out, I just end up being that much more of a hardass. And her being the way she is… I don’t know how she can keep taking it. And Van is always there when she needs someone who’s *not* so intense. You know? And we fight as much as we get along.
Boys: 
<Seth looks back at the road> And it’s damn near impossible for me to compromise.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him, quietly> She turns to Van because she trusts him. Almost as much as she trusts you. She just needs him to balance the intensity. He compliments you.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> And I thank god for that, honestly.
Girls: 
<Siobhan smiles> I was noticing that the other day.
Boys: 
<Seth smiles, looks at her> Is it fucked up that my marriage has a better chance *because* he’s there for her?
Girls: 
I don’t think so. I remember reading something about how back in the 70’s they had these groups.. and they would swap spouses.. there were studies done and those studies showed that the people that were doing that fought less and had something like a 60 percent less divorce rate than those in strictly monogamous marriages.
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> That might have some potential if Van married *you*.
Girls: 
<Siobhan smiles> Why me? You seem to like Saige.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> I do. But come on. She’s hot for Samuel and Van’s hot for Lia. How long do you really see that lasting?
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> There is that. But I don’t see Van marrying me.
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> You see him marrying Saige?
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> He gave up his job for her.. something he really enjoyed.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> Yet, he didn’t think twice about doing a movie with you.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him, shakes her head> No he didn’t. But like I said before it’s something he enjoys and it’s not like we haven’t fucked before.
Boys: 
And he didn’t give it up so much as take a promotion. But this was something he had planned in the event of a serious relationship regardless of who the relationship was with.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> This is Van’s sense of fairness and relationship equality at work.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> Still.. we’re close we always have been and you see how that worked with Ethan and I. <smiles> And Van’s nothing if not fair.
Boys: 
And Van thinks he can’t justify telling a woman she can’t fuck anyone else while he’s making movies. *I* can. I can justify it because it’s my job and I’m getting paid for it. And before you say “then your wife can get a porn job”.. yes, she can. But I didn’t marry a porn star because I didn’t want one.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> And Van isn’t Ethan.
Girls: 
<Siobhan nods> No he’s not. So let me ask you this… If Lia took a job doing this.. would it change how you feel about her?
Boys: 
<Seth nods> Probably. But not for the reasons you think. <looks at her> If she got a job doing this, it would change *her* and my feelings for her would change not because she took the job but because of the way she changed.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> I can understand that.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks back at the road>
Girls: 
<Siobhan watches him, quietly> I don’t want to end up hating you.
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Why would you?
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> Other than my wonderfully sunny disposition.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> What you’re going to do?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her curiously> What are you talking about?
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him, smiles> Nothing.. never mind.
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> No. Tell me.
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> What you said was going to happen when we got back.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> And you think you might end up hating me for it?
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks ahead> I don’t know.
Boys: 
<Seth looks back at the road, smiles> You think you’ll hate me because you don’t like people making you do shit you don’t want to do. Because you don’t like giving up control. Because you like to think you’re in control of your own destiny and nothing happens without your approval and permission and I’m going to trounce all over that. And I’m going to do it because I’m going to show you that you aren’t actually in control of *shit*. <looks at her> That’s your ego talking because your ego won’t let you see that you’re actually *being* controlled by your fear.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> I’m in control of my emotions. In fact I think I have better control than most of them.
Boys: 
If you were in control of them, you could not only shut them down, but open them up and you *wouldn’t* be afraid you wouldn’t stop. So, saying “I won’t be able to stop” is a total contradiction to saying you have control of them.
Girls: 
Seth, I’ve been feeling other peoples words for so long… I’m not even sure what’s mine. So I just put a lock on everything.
Boys: 
<Seth nods> So, not only do you not have control of them, but you’re not even in touch with them.
Boys: 
How can you say you control something you can’t even identify as yours, Siobhan?
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> I can’t explain it.
Boys: 
<Seth nods, looks back at the road>
Girls: 
<Siobhan shakes her head> I know it doesn’t make any sense.
Boys: 
<Seth pulls into the lot and parks in front of the warehouse, turns off the car, looks at her> I’m not doing this because I’m selfless. I have purely selfish motivations.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> What are they?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Since the first time you got shitty with me, I wanted to take control of you and bend you over that table. Every time you wear that fucking green dress that promises so much but doesn’t follow through, I want to peel it off you. Consider this *my* “if we”.
Girls: 
<Siobhan blinks> I didn’t know..
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> How would you? Apparently, though, I’m more transparent than I thought.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> How is that?
Boys: 
One of the girls, and I don’t remember who, called me out. She told me I wanted on you, which I flat out denied considering my *wife* was standing right there. The *last* thing I’m going to admit is being hot for a woman who’s *not* my wife in *front* of my wife.
Girls: 
<Siobhan smiles> So tell me who else you want on.
Boys: 
I already told you who was on my fuckable list.
Girls: 
<Siobhan laughs> Okay.. you did.
Boys: 
As for who I fantasize about..that pleasure has been reserved solely for you.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> Because you want to conquer me?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> That’s been the gist of pretty much every fantasy I’ve had about you so far, yeah.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> So what happens when you live the fantasy?
Boys: 
<Seth smiles> Living a fantasy doesn’t necessarily make it obsolete or less desirable.
Boys: 
<Seth shakes his head> If you’re asking if you’ll be out of my system.. no. I don’t think you will.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him> How can you tell that?
Boys: 
<Seth looks at her> Because I *like* you. Because I’m not hot for you *just* because you mouthed off to me. It’s not about teaching you a lesson. It’s about being up close and personal with you. Knowing you intimately. If I didn’t want to do that, it would stay a fantasy and you’d already be out of my system.
Girls: 
<Siobhan looks at him, smiles> You know.. if you weren’t married.. <shakes her head>
Boys: 
If I wasn’t married, we’d be talking about this thing being a little bit more than it is and I’m thinking you wouldn’t necessarily be adverse to it if I’m reading you right.
Girls: 
<Siobhan smiles> I don’t think I would be.
Girls: 
<Siobhan climbs out of the car, mutters> But it’s a moot point.
Boys: 
<Seth gets out of the car, walks toward the warehouse door, waits for her when he gets to it>
Girls: 
<Siobhan goes to the door, looks at him, takes a deep breath>
Boys: 
This is going to be a night you’ll never forget.
Girls: 
<Siobhan smiles nervously> And suddenly I’m nervous.
Boys: 
<Seth holds her look, quietly> Open the door, baby. I’ve got you.
Girls: 
<Siobhan opens pulls out her key and pushes the door open, steps inside>
Boys: 
<Seth walks in behind her and closes the door>

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Posted April 27, 2012 by The Universe in category "Fiction", "Solitude